What utter horror are some of the areas in our head we allow ourselves to travel to. We can travel towards them for a while. But even a mere moment may be too long.
The problem is these areas of despair will continue to call for attention once fed. It’s the duration and distances we allow ourselves to stay there which will do all the harm.
For me, it seems like I even go a step further and find a pickaxe to help dig deeper down into the spaces of negativity. Assisting this doesn’t help at all.
We need to rush towards the narratives which lift us up. Which tell us our true value. It comes from outside of us often enough we mistake these affirmations as not us because it comes from someone else.
While I’m busy digging away with my pickaxe someone usually comes along and pays me a compliment. And I’m stubborn enough to tell them thanks but I’m kinda busy digging further into all my failings at the moment.
Embrace these affirmations. Take hold of the slightest one. Grab what you brush off as something you do naturally and could do in your sleep.
The compliment is not a waste at all. It is someone outside yourself telling you how valuable you are.
Rush towards those spaces of praise and travel those distances to get there and build them up. Collect them and store them and reflect on them.
So when the despair comes, which it comes, we can hold fast to hope in the new creation we are becoming. The creation constantly redeemed.
I only want to see the most beautiful of days,
The childhood days of gifting and caring,
Releasing an inner expression of creativity within me
As a gift in every interaction with every Imago Dei.
Everything was suppressed within predictable
False promises, of which, now, leave a rot.
Where the decay takes its strongest grip
Is exactly where freedom once reigned supreme.
These were days with no measurable form,
A time with no time and no reason for categorization,
For the moments within each glowing inspiration
Sustained me with continuous arrivals of affirmations.
I only want to see the most beautiful of days.
They are no longer days, they never were.
They are the clearest embraces of encouragement
Whispering softly to become childlike again.
I’ve always lived scared,
I discard compliments,
I don’t look into Your eyes,
I run from myself,
Yet, You love me.
I think we misinterpret when we talk about reinventing ourselves.
Maybe I’m hinting at the misunderstanding of the object of our reinvention.
We can change circumstances, settings, even outward expressions. But to reinvent who we are? No, it’s not something we can do. And I’d highly advise against such an impossible task.
The reinvention we want? It doesn’t come when we switch our job or our spouse or our friends. It doesn’t come when we change our hairstyle or our wardrobe or the way we interact with others. Reinvention occurs not to turn us into some better version of ourselves.
It happens when we finally realize our identity.
To get to this change we must thoroughly filter stories we tell and internalize about ourselves. What we allow into our core is what we will believe.
Reinvention comes when we begin accepting affirmations others speak about us after years of bashful deflection. Change also starts when we shed tears about the pains which are realities deep inside us.
After proper filtering and sharing we find ourselves ‘reinventing’ the way we are because, day by day, we embrace who we are.
Within this segment, around the 9 minute mark, J. Kevin Butcher talks about the left-brain-knowing God loves you versus the right-brain-knowing God loves you.
It’s amazing to reflect on how easy it was for me to be rooted theologically, and yet not actually take to heart what that theology was telling me. It’s telling all of us God loves us, and wants us to stop harming ourselves because of the wounds of our past, self inflicted or committed by others.