Confidence

As I surface from depths I never anticipated, I couldn’t help but notice I finally came-to somewhere I was never before.

Your expectations for me are expectations I never placed on myself, and never could I if I ever tried.

A world breaks in filled with nonsense to everyone not me but I can relate to this alien-rationale.

Anxiety mounts to perform in ways that will break me even as I finally breath the freshest of air and taste the most nourishing fruit.

As I justify my existence by the words others speak but don’t themselves practice, I suddenly realize no one knows what is coming out of their mouths.

I lean in further to the foreign land’s ways as I wash ashore now, not to be welcomed in the way I thought but instead further burdened.

The only sense I can make of it all is we are always never listening to others and we are always ever speaking to ourselves.

My only wish I have left is to speak as confidently about myself as others wishfully do for themselves.

The alien-rationale softly grips me tighter: Love your neighbor as yourself. As yourself. As yourself.

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Clearly

I feel clear.

Clarity, not out of arrogance.

Clarity, out of:

“Finally, I see and feel!

And now I am certain of how little I know.”

I am clear of the only things I must know.

I am clear of the only things I must feel.

I woke up today seeing my weightless burden.

I am well with what has been taken from me.

Clearly, I must give, now that I have so little.

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Take The Depths Too

You want me to be something
Other than the disaster I am
With none of the side effects of
Losing regrets I’ll never see completed.

There is a constant sense of
Moving along without self inflicted burdens,
Yet born out of terrors are the exact
Words we all desire of me.

So come, rescue what’s left if you want,
But please, for the sake of
Sacredness within all we see and feel,
Rescue everything, take the depths too.

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Convalesce

It’s day 366. It’s not a leap year either. It’s simply day 366. Or day one.

And today at the gym the song Convalesce by Wolves At The Gate came on in my headphones. These lyrics penetrate my soul deeply.

The song title is enough to make me weep. Convalesce. A word meaning to recover gradually after a time of sickness.

It’s the chorus stinging the most:

Show Me your sorrow My love
This burden is the milestone ’round your neck
Convalesce and I will bear, bear your shame

Jesus bears our burdens. He bears mine. My shame feels exactly like a milestone tied around my neck.

It’s the beauty of this chorus’ melody and structure. The music is nearly perfect to me. It’s the message too that packs the punch where I need it.

It’s Jesus saying: Recover gradually son, you were sick, but I got you. Show Me your sorrow, I really love you. I’ll even take your shame with Me. But this milestone, this burden, this weight, this torment, it has to go. And I’ll take it. Recover gradually son. I love you.


It’s day one. Not just day 366. In fact, it doesn’t matter what length of time it’s been for me or for you.

The only thing I know for certain is the thing I’ve known since a child. Jesus has me, He has my burdens, He has my shame.

Convalesce.

Heal.

Suffering Servant King

If presented an opportunity to escape,17880716_10154990001490428_6187808501320875383_o
What would even be left for freedom?
The distance to travel is too great,
For it is wholly contained within.

There is a weight you cannot shoulder,
It pushes you down lower still,
An inner depth deep within the heart,
Barren while time washed through your hands.

Why heap pains on top of sicknesses?
Grinding of the teeth with a heart clenched,
Hiding in plain sight from the sorrows,
Justifying the extinguishing of passions.
___________

The Suffering Servant King noticed of all this,
Held a cup,
Lifted it,
Drank it,
And found your mangled heart at the bottom.