You don’t feel this moment like I do?
You don’t see the colors inside your brain when the music is playing?
You don’t hear patterns of colors as they hit your retina and cling to your memory?
Your body doesn’t become warm when certain sentences dance in cadence?
You don’t wander through ancient paths looking for your ghost?
You don’t concentrate all your focus on never being the person you once were?
You haven’t read through stories of past lives looking for your own future?
You don’t understand why I don’t understand the point of this meeting?
Your chest doesn’t swell when gray blankets the sky matching your senses?
Oh. You don’t.
I do though.
Maybe I’ll permit myself to love the grace given to me.
It’s day 366. It’s not a leap year either. It’s simply day 366. Or day one.
And today at the gym the song Convalesce by Wolves At The Gate came on in my headphones. These lyrics penetrate my soul deeply.
The song title is enough to make me weep. Convalesce. A word meaning to recover gradually after a time of sickness.
It’s the chorus stinging the most:
Show Me your sorrow My love
This burden is the milestone ’round your neck
Convalesce and I will bear, bear your shame
Jesus bears our burdens. He bears mine. My shame feels exactly like a milestone tied around my neck.
It’s the beauty of this chorus’ melody and structure. The music is nearly perfect to me. It’s the message too that packs the punch where I need it.
It’s Jesus saying: Recover gradually son, you were sick, but I got you. Show Me your sorrow, I really love you. I’ll even take your shame with Me. But this milestone, this burden, this weight, this torment, it has to go. And I’ll take it. Recover gradually son. I love you.
It’s day one. Not just day 366. In fact, it doesn’t matter what length of time it’s been for me or for you.
The only thing I know for certain is the thing I’ve known since a child. Jesus has me, He has my burdens, He has my shame.