The rhythmic pilgrimage cycles back today,
A ritual imprinting itself onto my heart
Not as relief but as duty,
My life as I have known it depends on it.
Surrounded by others settling into the camp,
We will come with our burdens, our expectations,
Our hopes which were spilled out across the grounds,
And love will rise from shattered pieces.
If this is only an autumn occurrence
Somehow I was not told of its ending in the winter,
Nor last spring, nor this summer,
As the place I journey to on this day forgot to stay
Inside its autumn home and wandered with me
Through seasons I’d wish upon not a single soul.
This ritual, this holy event, it haunted all year.
This day, this pilgrimage, hitched a ride back with me
It journeyed with me to come to my holy place,
And never let me alone till I finally said:
“Here is my crushed self,
Here is my true self,
Take it, I hope others will take it too.”
There is a family gathering together
With many hurts and pains,
Many shattered dreams and broken promises,
Carrying feelings of being out of place and not fit for this world.
But they are fit for each other,
And they are fit for Father.
It’s day 366. It’s not a leap year either. It’s simply day 366. Or day one.
And today at the gym the song Convalesce by Wolves At The Gate came on in my headphones. These lyrics penetrate my soul deeply.
The song title is enough to make me weep. Convalesce. A word meaning to recover gradually after a time of sickness.
It’s the chorus stinging the most:
Show Me your sorrow My love
This burden is the milestone ’round your neck
Convalesce and I will bear, bear your shame
Jesus bears our burdens. He bears mine. My shame feels exactly like a milestone tied around my neck.
It’s the beauty of this chorus’ melody and structure. The music is nearly perfect to me. It’s the message too that packs the punch where I need it.
It’s Jesus saying: Recover gradually son, you were sick, but I got you. Show Me your sorrow, I really love you. I’ll even take your shame with Me. But this milestone, this burden, this weight, this torment, it has to go. And I’ll take it. Recover gradually son. I love you.
It’s day one. Not just day 366. In fact, it doesn’t matter what length of time it’s been for me or for you.
The only thing I know for certain is the thing I’ve known since a child. Jesus has me, He has my burdens, He has my shame.
Are you babbling on about
Or are you getting on with
The moment you are in is taken
Away as you limp towards
Your next justifying mission,
Ignoring the pains which have hollowed your heart.
There was a burden on his eyes,
A worn look expressing something you wore deep inside.
The task at hand is to be a healer,
Not to cave into the world’s thirst for blood.
Choose to heal.
Mend the wounds.
Help others with their trauma.
It’s your only occupation.