You don’t feel this moment like I do?
You don’t see the colors inside your brain when the music is playing?
You don’t hear patterns of colors as they hit your retina and cling to your memory?
Your body doesn’t become warm when certain sentences dance in cadence?
You don’t wander through ancient paths looking for your ghost?
You don’t concentrate all your focus on never being the person you once were?
You haven’t read through stories of past lives looking for your own future?
You don’t understand why I don’t understand the point of this meeting?
Your chest doesn’t swell when gray blankets the sky matching your senses?
Oh. You don’t.
I do though.
Maybe I’ll permit myself to love the grace given to me.
I know you’ll wake up inside your mind
In order to discover the visions were true
And never had places to set themselves into
The dusted covered up screaming face
Of lost passions justified by pursuits
Entangled in the next best thing
The way things are not suppose to be
But in the ways other’s desires burn intently,
Forgive my lack of self care
It was never a duration of time I wanted
While sifting through debris piles
Justified by covering up a true person,
As I provide you papers which are built
Inside a system of discarding without learning,
As I want you to not want any of this,
I maintain these words are desperately crafted.
There is no way anything can speak volumes
About an entire life, my life, your life
Those who we never care for or choose to see
If there was never a rounding to the closest soul,
I’ll check the math again and skip over mistakes
I maintain in order to never see stark pasts
Inside multiple light sources shouting down
Shallow intimacy with a person no one knows
Why provide documentation stating
Zero passions built on top of decaying foundations
With lyrical rhythmic bullet points filling space
To get you faster to no where I would ever go,
Approaching the slumbering forgetful mind
Not paying attention to everyone Abba keeps putting
On beaten down walking paths I can’t find on a map
But which tread painful impressions at sacred destinations.
What utter horror are some of the areas in our head we allow ourselves to travel to. We can travel towards them for a while. But even a mere moment may be too long.
The problem is these areas of despair will continue to call for attention once fed. It’s the duration and distances we allow ourselves to stay there which will do all the harm.
For me, it seems like I even go a step further and find a pickaxe to help dig deeper down into the spaces of negativity. Assisting this doesn’t help at all.
We need to rush towards the narratives which lift us up. Which tell us our true value. It comes from outside of us often enough we mistake these affirmations as not us because it comes from someone else.
While I’m busy digging away with my pickaxe someone usually comes along and pays me a compliment. And I’m stubborn enough to tell them thanks but I’m kinda busy digging further into all my failings at the moment.
Embrace these affirmations. Take hold of the slightest one. Grab what you brush off as something you do naturally and could do in your sleep.
The compliment is not a waste at all. It is someone outside yourself telling you how valuable you are.
Rush towards those spaces of praise and travel those distances to get there and build them up. Collect them and store them and reflect on them.
So when the despair comes, which it comes, we can hold fast to hope in the new creation we are becoming. The creation constantly redeemed.